Topic: What would be the ingredients for a good life?
Interviews by Stuart MacDonald

Stuart: Is it a problem being gay/lesbian and practising spirituality?

David: I don't think so; not a great problem. I think practising spirituality involves interacting honestly and openly and lovingly with the world, and thus it should not matter what your sexual preference is. A spiritual person engages with and learns from whatever experiences befall him or her. Indeed, I would say that ideas about the rightness or wrongness of sexual preferences may well be more of an obstacle than are the sexual preferences themselves. Such ideas - homosexuality is wrong, for example - may prevent people from being open and loving. Of course, the fact that such views are held may make life in general sometimes more difficult for gays and lesbians, but it should not make the practice of spirituality any more problematic.

One other issue, which might affect gays and lesbians more than it affects heterosexuals, is the problem of self-acceptance. I can't speak from personal experience, but it seems that some gays or lesbians, for whatever reason, have trouble accepting that they are so, and seek to deny it or hide it. Since, in my humble opinion, the key elements of spiritual practice are self-insight and self-acceptance, perhaps gays and lesbians struggle more than others in this way. But then, looked at another way, maybe this situation simply gives gays and lesbians more material with which to engage on the path to spiritual realisation. Good luck to them all.

Stuart: Does emphasising a self-conscious identity of being a 'gay/lesbian Buddhist' only encourage difference and create an even greater division between their lifestyle and that of the mainstream community?

David: First, who on earth wants to be identical to the 'mainstream community?' Just joking! Seriously, I think these days, in Australia at least, you cop more raised eyebrows and blank stares by revealing that you are a Buddhist than by revealing you are gay or lesbian. I am not sure that many people go about emphasising their identity as gay or lesbian Buddhists. Probably they don't really conceive of themselves in those terms. If some do, then I suppose that could be a problem, for a couple of reasons. First, it may alienate the so-called 'mainstream community' - not that this is necessarily such a bad thing, or the fault of the gay or lesbian Buddhist. Second, it may impede the person him- or herself. A strong and rigid conception of who you are, might I guess, prevent you from being open, from relating to people outside your social milieu.

But again, I think that by virtue of the hardships gays and lesbians often experience, this problem - this inability to love people outside a certain type - is more of an issue for non-gays. To finish with a gross generalisation - since the question sort of requires it - I would say that gays and lesbians are typically very tolerant people, who do not seek to ferment divisions. If accepted by others, they are delighted to accept those others.

Stuart: Do you think homosexual tendencies are inborn (genetically pre-determined) or a lifestyle decision that one makes?

David: Ah, the old nature/nurture debate. If I knew the answer to this I would be a rich and famous man! From my experience of the homosexuals I have met, I would say that homosexual tendencies seem to be part of an individual's essence - if such a thing exists. It has certainly never seemed to me that gays or lesbians one day suddenly make a decision to be so. The fact that in the past (and in the present) so many people have fought these tendencies, repressed them, felt guilty about them, or been scared of them, testifies to how deeply embedded in an individual's make-up this tendency generally is.

Perhaps rather than being born gay, people are 'made' gay, by something that happens to them early in life. How will we ever know? More importantly, why does it matter? Whether homosexuality is a choice or a pre-disposition, it is an aspect of life that needs to be understood and dealt with. Perhaps an analogy might be a sick person. That sounds bad, I realise, but allow me to continue… Whether a person becomes sick because of genetics or an unhealthy lifestyle or an accident does not matter once the person is sick. What does matter is that the person perceives their situation, understands it and deals with it. Same for us all.

Stuart: Is the gay/lesbian lifestyle better suited to spiritual practice than the heterosexual lifestyle (i.e. would not having children allow more time for spiritual practice)?

David: Maybe. I guess not having children would leave more of one's time free for spiritual practice, but so would not having a job. There are so many distractions in the world that keep people from pursuing spiritual practice with all their energy - work, relationships, children - leaving out the multitudes of people who go through life without ever feeling inclined to pursue spiritual practice. I think that if people find that inclination, that is the greatest step. Afterwards, once a life of spiritual endeavour has been established, perhaps comparisons can be drawn and we can say that certain lifestyles are more conducive to spiritual practice. The fact that for millennia monks have sat meditating in caves indicates that some lifestyles are more suited. However, we cannot all live in caves; just as we cannot all be homosexual. As I mentioned before, I think the key thing in spirituality is dealing honestly, openly and lovingly with whatever experiences one comes across. Surely one can learn and benefit so much from the experience of having children - even if they are expensive, time-consuming and sometimes exasperating. What is most ironic, I think, is that I am having as much trouble answering this question insightfully as I had with the first question, which was basically the exact opposite. You would think I could get at least one side of the story 'straight'...

Robyn Davies
Age: 53
Natural therapist/bush regenerator

Stuart: Is it a problem being gay/lesbian and practising spirituality?

Robyn: Without any personal experience of this, it's difficult to state conclusively, but from the people I know who are in this category, I don't think there is a particular problem. I think it would be more likely that if gay/lesbians have problems in their general life, it would naturally flow over into their spiritual life; conversely, the one's that I know who have really sorted themselves out in their personal and professional lives seem to have no particular problem with their spirituality - it just becomes a natural extension. I am thinking about Buddhists or meditators without religious dogma - there seem to be quite a few difficulties for various Christian groups. I've also heard of some Buddhist traditions that state that the Buddha's teachings do not allow for gay relationships, as well as some teachers who support that line, but that is not generally accepted amongst all Tibetan Buddhist schools. In fact, I believe that the majority would support the attitude of not giving harm to others as being more important than whether one is in a homosexual relationship or not. Therefore, I think that the majority of gay/lesbian practitioners who are quietly practising at home or within a centre would be experiencing little or no problems.

Stuart: Does emphasising a self-conscious identity of being a 'gay/lesbian Buddhist' only encourage difference and create an even greater division between their lifestyle and that of the mainstream community?

Robyn: If they really make a point of being different, I think it can create some friction. It would seem unnecessary to bring a self-conscious homosexual identity into a Buddhist group or centre, as everyone is presenting as an individual - not as a couple, or single, or even particularly male or female, when they go to practise. The point is to learn to know and understand our own mind, rather than thinking about your physical being. I think that when we practise, we come together as equals. If some people are emphasising that they are in a different category, it could make everyone else feel somewhat unequal and be an isolating influence that causes disharmony or at least uncomfortable feelings in the group. I think that if this behaviour became habitual, it would have the potential to create a greater division between homosexuals and the mainstream community.

Stuart: Do you think homosexual tendencies are inborn (genetically pre-determined) or a lifestyle decision that one makes?

Robyn: I believe both can be the case. There are a number of lesbians I've known who originally were in heterosexual relationships, which turned out rather badly. Sometimes there was violence or some kind of psychological mistreatment, which apparently coloured their opinions of males in general, and they became lesbian. Of course, just being in a heterosexual relationship does not mean that they were necessarily not homosexual, but they have stated that was the case, and then made a conscious choice to be homosexual, as they felt they could no longer trust men. I'm sure that similar experiences (though probably of a different nature) affect males as well. On the other hand, it is obvious that for some girls as well as boys, a heterosexual lifestyle is just not an option, even though some attempt it for many years due to the pressures of society or their family, job or whatever. Due to genetic tendencies, these people are, from the beginning, only attracted to their own sex. I believe now that it has been discovered that hormones affect the brain of the foetus, determining gender from a very early stage of life, and pre-disposing the individual to such tendencies.

Stuart: Is the gay/lesbian lifestyle better suited to spiritual practice than the heterosexual lifestyle (i.e. would not having children allow more time for spiritual practice)?

Robyn: Again, I think that this depends more on the individuals involved than whether they are homosexual or not. In our community, there are many lesbians with children (sometimes very young), so we can't assume they are necessarily free of family ties and more able to participate in spiritual practice than heterosexual couples. However, if they had no children, but good jobs, they should have a more disposable income that would allow them more freedom for retreats, et cetera, and more, free time on a daily basis for spiritual practise. Gay males often seem to be more free, so perhaps their lifestyles make it easier to find time for spiritual practice than the average heterosexual couple with children. As far as gay/lesbians without partners are concerned, I think there would be little difference between their lifestyle and that of heterosexuals without partners.

Leonie Dickinson
Age: 42
Shop Keeper/Sound Recordist

Stuart: Is it a problem being gay/lesbian and practising spirituality?

Leonie: No, spirituality for me is about awareness, difference and compassion. Growing up as a lesbian, I was aware of all that from a young age. I was aware of my own difference from a young age. I always knew I was a lesbian, from about the age of twelve. I grew up with the Catholic system and rejected that to find a different spirituality that celebrated difference and embraced difference. Compassion is about embracing difference. So, finding a community that supports difference was important. I hesitate to say this, because I am wondering if spirituality and community go together. I'm not sure if that is everyone's experience.

Stuart: Does emphasising a self-conscious identity of being a 'gay/lesbian Buddhist' only encourage difference and create an even greater division between their lifestyle and that of the mainstream community?

Leonie: My first response is to say, 'Who is to say that I'm not mainstream?' There's this great quote that goes, 'The only difference between heterosexuals and the gay community is one is more common.' When that is said, it sounds like a bit of a put down, like 'common' isn't so good. My second response is that obviously a heterosexual thought up that question, by saying 'their lifestyle.' It draws attention to the 'otherness' of homosexuality. What is wrong with the difference? Difference is our educator. It is what stretches us. Otherness stretches us. I suppose when people do things in a way that is different from our habitual patterns, we have to open up to that. It helps us to see that the way that we do things isn't necessarily the only way. I question what is mainstream. What is 'mainstream society' anyway? Mainstream society is made up of many different parts. I think it is myth that mainstream society is WASP. In fact, today, our community is made up of so many different cultures. If you really looked at it, there is no mainstream society. Even if I look at my own lesbian community, it is made up of all different segmented groups who don't all get along. Difference is healthy.

Stuart: Do you think homosexual tendencies are inborn (genetically pre-determined) or a lifestyle decision that one makes?

Leonie: This question is a doozey. Are your heterosexual tendencies inborn? I feel like I want to spin this question around and put heterosexual in each of those aspects of the question. It feels that it is my destiny or blueprint to be incarnated into this world with this difference. It throws up a series of things to learn and it gives me a greater opportunity to be compassionate and a greater opportunity to have awareness because of the experience of being 'other.'

Stuart: Is the gay/lesbian lifestyle better suited to spiritual practice than the heterosexual lifestyle (i.e. would not having children allow more time for spiritual practice)?

Leonie: Who is assuming that I can't have children, that neither my friends nor myself can have children? Right now many of my friends do. Is having children not contributing to spiritual practice? It may be a profound experience, which is about difference and stretching myself. Isn't that what practising spirituality is about? Is the celibate lifestyle more powerful? The other half of this question is, 'How do I do my spiritual practice? How do I live my spiritual beliefs? How do I be responsible and contribute to this world - to my family, to my extended family, my friends, and my community? How important do I make spiritual practice on a daily basis? How does it link into my greater world?' Spirituality is not about having children or not having children, it is about how we eat, live and breathe our spirituality.